True Legends: Kill Thy Neighbor
by Adire Ashcroft
Summary: Finally Link our hero gets to settle down and live in peace. However this peace won't last for long because Link is expecting new neighbors! Link is going to have to deal with some harsh realities of his newfound "peace". Will Link be able to make a good impression on his new neighbors? Or will Link return to his wandering ways? Sequel to True Legends: Ghirahim's Demise. Please R&R
1. One: Ugly Side of A Hero

Note: Sequel to True Legends:Ghirahim's Demise is up. This is chapter one. Basically Link's life has gone to hell and he's bored. Can you imagine what it's like to be running for years chasing evil and then one day settling down? It must be a pretty difficult change in lifestyle. I apologize if some of the characters seem OOC. As said before I don't own Zelda (I'll keep dreaming).

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Kill Thy Neighbor

One: Ugly Side of a Hero

It had been about two months after Ghirahim's incident.

_Finally I can relax and be at peace,_ Link thought.

During those two months Link had developed a nasty habit. Without a quest, Link began to start doing radical and dangerous things to relive his days as a hero. The hero felt he had become useless and sought some kind of purpose; he felt empty.

So began Link's drinking problem. He'd bring as much beer as he could carry to his treehouse (that's right he lives in a treehouse) and binge; drink until he forgot his own name. The next day he would be in bed all day, comatose because of a hangover.

At times the hero had violent tendencies, but at heart he was passionate and kind.

No one knew of Link's problem because he had decided to keep it secret. He was also secretly ashamed of himself for falling so far and succumbing to such a petty addiction. With all the moving going on, no one had noticed how much Link's demeanor had changed.

However there were some notable differences: Once Ghirahim had come knocking at Link's door crying,"Good morning darling!"

"FUCK OFF!" Link had screamed, still recovering from an agonizing hangover.

This outburst had scared the demon; so Ghirahim vowed never to wake up Link again.

Link had recently taken up a job at a place called Hyrulian Pizza because they gave free booze to employees (Booze provided by Fado btw). Although the earnings were rather meager, Link made the best of what he had.

Every morning, afternoon, and evening Cawlin (AKA Piggy) called Hyrulian Pizza.

Everyday without fail, Link would have to bring Cawlin pizza multiple times.

One day Link had gotten so fed up with Cawlin's antics he yelled," Fuck! WHY CAN'T YOU ORDER ALL THE PIZZAS AT THE SAME TIME?! You stupid prick! Do you know how annoying it is to come to the same house ten times in a single day? WHY DON'T YOU JUST LIVE AT HYRULIAN PIZZA?!"

Cawlin simply replied,"Because I have certain times I need to eat."

"Why do you always eat pizza?!"

"It's my sustenance." Cawlin huffed.

Link growled and left. Although Cawlin was one of Hyrulian Pizza's best customers, Link couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance.

Now, Link sat half dead and drunk out of his mind.

_Ah man I'm going to be late for work_, Link thought miserably.

Link changed his clothes and had trouble with the buttons of his shirt. He then proceeded to lumber out the door.

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Afterword

I failed to mention that Fado is Link's boss at Hyrulian Pizza. Nothing much happened but I'll update soon. See ya!


	2. Two: Announcement

Note: Hello! Looks like I'm on a roll. The ideas keep flowing (except for Untold Truths I'm still stumped). This chapter will be about Bo and Illia. I kind of made Bo crazy... Read on.

PS. Bo could also be interpreted as Body Odor. Lol.

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Kill Thy Neighbor

Two: Announcement

Long ago Bo used to be the mayor of a tiny village called Ordon. Once the Twilight Invasion struck, Bo had never been the same again.

He now guarded his house like a castle and lets no one; not even his own daughter set foot on his lawn.

Bo's famous saying is,"Get off my lawn or I'll shoot ya."

However Bo is not always nice enough to issue a warning before shooting.

The man even went as far as to have a guard tower.

Bo will shoot _anyone_ he sees as a threat with his shotgun. Bo has every weapon imaginable; from guns to death rays.

The first incident occurred when Bo shot Link:

Bo watched Link warily thinking to himself, _The lad is getting awfully close to my lawn. Didn't think it come down to this but, I must shoot him. He is a potential threat. He's walking here too quickly... COULD IT BE?! A BREAK IN?! Link wants to breach my barriers. AN INVASION!_

Bo's last thought has formulated his resolve and he fired at Link.

"OW! BO WHAT THE FUCK?!" Link bellowed.

"Ya got too close to my lawn!"

Bo had gone senile, basically he was a crazy old man. Bo was bald, fat, and not particularly attractive.

Yet Bo knew there was something amiss in the neighborhood; it was almost like a sixth sense and he always tell when something was wrong. It was a gut-feeling.

"ILLIA! Illia get yer ass down here now!" Bo hollered.

Illia appeared momentarily by her father's side. Bo sat in his rocking chair with his shotgun next to him.

"Yes father?" Illia asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Are you giving me attitude, Illia?"

"No sir."

"Good. Now what took you so long?"

"I was making a pie for the _new neighbors._" she replied.

"New..." Bo seemed unable to interpret the phrase," NEIGHBORS?!"

"Yes!"

Illia realized she probably shouldn't have mentioned that to her father.

"Illia, honey get in the house now. We're having a lock down."

Illia began to protest," But the pie-"

"No but's, get in the house NOW!" Bo screamed.

Illia scurried into the house knowing her efforts to calm her father were futile.

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Afterword

We've all established that Bo is WAY TOO overprotective of his house and his daughter. I can see why Link didn't tap that XD I think that sumo wrestling match with Bo scared Link away. Next chapter will go back to Link. Have any ideas for my story? Feel free to PM me. Constructive criticism is welcome. Bye bye.


	3. Three: Fresh Meat

Note: I'm so inconsistent with my updates and for that apologize. Well no matter how many times I apologize I'm not going to get my act together. So without further ado here's the chapter.

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Kill Thy Neighbor

Three: Fresh Meat

After a grueling day at work, Link was unwinding on his couch; when his cell phone started ringing. Reading who was calling, Link groaned.

_Damn why'd I give that bitch my number?_

Ever since Link had saved the world (or maybe even before that) Illia had fallen head over heels for Link.

_I might as well answer it..._, Link thought reluctantly.

"Hello." Link said in an indifferent tone.

"Hi Link!"

"Shut up you're giving me a headache!"

"Sorry Link... I have some great news!"

"Hurry it up, I don't have all day." Link snarled.

"We've got new neighbors! They live across the street!" she chirped, her happiness making Link sick to his stomach.

"That's great," Link muttered with false gusto, "Why don't you go visit them Illia?"

"I can't. My dad is having one if his crazy lockdowns," she sighed; Link could imagine the frown settling on her face.

"Oh? Well why don't you tell everyone else?"

_This will be the only way to get this bitch to stop yapping. Her voice is like a fucking alarm clock, _Link thought. He was starting to get pissed.

"I already did."

Those words struck panic into Link's heart and he quickly said,"Bye, I need some time to clear my head."

"Okey-dokey Link!"

Link promptly hung up his phone," Goddesses she's annoying."

She was a minor setback in his night time activities. Link began to listen to one of his all time favorite songs, _Discovering the Waterfront._

"I won't kill again!" Link sung, completely off-key but not caring who could hear him.

Many of his friends had insisted the tune had become annoying, but Link ignored them like always.

He loved the song because it reminded him of his killings, failures, and accomplishments.

Link was in fact a murderer; he killed the Postman simply because he had gotten on his nerves.

Link later learned his to harness his anger. At times the hero had held back the urge to attack his "friends".

_I should go see the new neighbors; wonder what the bastards are like._

Link left his home and found a large white house with a blue roof, a sold sign on the lawn.

The hero walked to the door and knocked softly. Link could hear loud barks from within and shushing.

_Reminds me of when I turned into a wolf; worst transformation ever._

A black-haired woman with sea green eyes answered the door. Behind her were three kids, two boys (likely twins) about ten, and a little girl around six or five. There was a large pitbull pushing against the woman barking loudly. This lady obviously had a very busy household.

"I see you're new here. My name is Link. Welcome to the neighborhood."

Link held out his hand, the woman returned his gesture with a firm handshake.

"My name is Mom-"

Link chuckled,"Mom?"

"Oh whoops! Being a mother can be a bit stressful at times. My name is Jessica Jinx. Pleased to meet you," she started to motion to her children"These are my sons Jake and Elliott. This is my daughter Samantha."

_Jessica Jinx... that sounds like a porn star name. Also reminds me of those times when I couldn't draw my sword, _Link thought chuckling to himself.

The dog barked for attention.

"Oh and let's not forget Toby! He's always been rather boisterous."

Link grinned and pat the dog on the head, cooing softly at it.

"So where did you move from?"

"San Francisco." she replied.

_Isn't that where all the hippies live?,_ Link wondered.

"Why make such a big move?" Link asked.

"To be honest, we needed a change of scenery. San Francisco was getting a little boring. Also Walter's mother is ailing right now so we want to be around to help her out."

"I'm assuming Walter is your husband?"

"Yes. He's at work right now," Mrs. Jinx paused, then asked "So what do your parents do for a living?"

"P-parents? I live alone. Plus my parents are dead." Link answered.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Forgive me I didn't mean to-"

Link interjected,"No. It's my fault. They died right after I was born so I shouldn't be upset over something I never had. I got to go sort some things out..."

"Please don't go. We were about to have dinner and we would love to have you over," Mrs. Jinx begged.

Link turned to leave but, as he walked away he heard paw pads.

Mrs. Jinx erupted,"TOBY NO!"

Toby came in front of Link and did a playbow. Link smiled and thought this dog was SO cute. It has sheen black and white fur and a happy hanging tongue.

"Do you want to play?" Link asked.

"TOBY GET BACK OVER HERE!" roared the mother.

That's when Link's sexy bits were bitten, making him squeal like a little girl. The pain was unbearable.

Link barked at the dog, which ran tail between it's legs.

"I'm so sorry. Toby is a very disobedient dog. Are you alright? Do you need a band-aid?" Mrs. Jinx said, her tone full of concern.

_Is this bitch for real? I bet she trained that damn dog to attack...,_ Link mused, fuming all the while.

"I'm fine..." Link managed feebly.

Link limped home in agony, unbeknownst to him trouble was brewing in the neighborhood.

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Afterword

You know when you leave food out too long and it gets nasty? I kinda feel like that is happening to this story. I will NEVER again post a story without completing it first! I actually have written out most of this story; I'm just too lazy to actually type it up. I know what you're going to say: "Get Dragon so you'll never have to move your sausage fingers all over the keyboard." No that is not the answer. I like to hear the satisfying clicks. Well enough babbling, see ya!


	4. Four: Things That Go Bump in the Night

Note: Of course I can update this quickly. It's a short chapter, so sorry if it disappoints. Hope you like.

PS. I HATE making my own characters.

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Kill Thy Neighbor

Four: Things That Go Bump in the Night

The argument from the Jinxs' house could be heard all around the neighborhood. It had started sometime around midnight which pissed off many of the residents because SOME of them had to get up for work in the morning.

"You bitch!" came a man's voice.

"You're sleeping with that stupid WHORE again?!" a voice that sounded much like Mrs. Jinx's.

From what Illia understood, they were having a dispute over Walter's affair.

_Ooh it'a just like those soap operas I watch on TV,_ she thought gleefully.

The rest of the argument was in a language Illia and the others didn't understand. Both Zelda and Illia sighed, suddenly sad that they could not gossip about the rest of the argument tomorrow.

Loud sobbing could be heard; the sobs were those of children.

"Be quiet! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP THE NEIGHBORS WILL CALL THE COPS!" roared Walter.

Ghirahim hissed in utter FURY! These people were so atrociously loud that he wasn't going to be able to get any beauty sleep. His lifted his night mask and glared through his shades.

He saw the bickering silhouettes of Walter and Jessica; he hit her across the face and Ghirahim flinched.

"Ooh that's going to leave a mark boo. But the bitch deserved it for disrupting my slumber."

Again there came loud shrieks, then complete silence.

_What's going on over there?,_wondered Fi, even though she was capable of understanding every language... She was lost without her Master.

Link grabbed his pillows and covered his ears, if it was possible he would of stuffed his them in his ears. If he could, he would never have to listen to anyone again.

_Good thing they quit their fucking racket. I would've called the cops and accuse them of assaulting me to shut them up. It got quiet all of a sudden... better stay that way, _Link thought.

So for the rest of the night, there was not a single sound. Just eerie silence.

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Afterword

Well that's a wrap! The next chapter will be up soon. What language do you think the Jinx's were speaking? Do you have neighbors that scream in the middle of the night (I used to but they divorced :D!)? Tell me that and more! See ya next time ;)


	5. Five: Brat

Kill Thy Neighbor

Five: Brat

The next day Link didn't have work, so he sat on his porch drinking beer from a coffee mug so no one would become suspicious.

Out on the front of the Jinxes lawn were the children; Jake, Samantha, and Nate.

Samantha was playing with a ball alone, while Jake and Nate argued over who was going to be the leader of the space cadets.

The ball rolled from Samantha's reach and near Bo's lawn...

Bo targeted his gun at it,"IT'S A BOMB THREAT!"

Link got down from his porch and grabbed the ball, unfazed by the imminent danger.

"Step any closer and I'll shoot ya." Bo warned.

"Bo how many times do I have to tell you: A bomb is _not _a bomb. Sheesh."

Link handed the ball back to the little girl.

"Thanks mister." Samantha said, beaming. It was obvious she had just lost some teeth.

"No problem."

"Mr, what's your name?"

"Link."

"That's a funny name. Don't you have a last name?"

Link shook his head.

"Why not? Aren't you supposed to get it from your daddy?"

Link replied,"I don't have a dad."

"What? Really? Isn't everyone supposed to have a daddy?"

"Yeah. Well mine are dead."

Trying to lighten the mood, Samantha asked,"Why are your ears so big?"

Link smiled,"It's a characteristic of my people."

Suddenly there was a large voice calling to the girl,"SAMANTHA!"

A man with thick black hair came from a car; he looked irate.

"I can't talk to strangers. Sorry Link." murmured the girl.

That's when Samantha kicked Link in the privates. The has-been hero cried out in pain.

"COME OVER HERE!" the man roared; Link assumed this was Walter.

"Coming daddy." chirped the girl.

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Afterword

Short but to the point. ;-; I made it my New Year's resolution to get on here more and update more often, but as always my plans fall through. School has been crazy and sometimes I come home feeling like a zombie. Besides school, I'm working on other writing projects beyond fanfiction. I think I might be graduating from fanfiction; don't worry I won't totally disappear. But with me rarely being on here, it kind of is like I've already graduated. Well putting that aside, I'm glad I finally typed this up. See ya next time?

*people through rotten vegetables and fruits* BOOOOOO!

*I'm thrown off stage and into a mosh pit*

*Angry people beat me up*

*I end up in the ICU later*

(Heh heh get it? ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit. I see you later in Hell lol)


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